Finding strength in solitude
Eight months away from home can feel like an eternity, especially when you’re thousands of miles from familiar surroundings. Upon receiving the SEAMEO MTESOL scholarship to study in Singapore, I braced myself for academic challenges but didn’t anticipate the personal transformation that awaited me. Singapore's vibrant skyline and endless possibilities filled me with energy upon arrival. Yet, amidst its liveliness, I quickly found myself enveloped by solitude.
That first night, alone in a hotel room gazing out at the glowing cityscape, the quietness was overwhelming. The contrast between Singapore’s bustling streets and my own sense of isolation became apparent. This experience was not just an academic endeavor but a journey of self-discovery. I would need to confront unfamiliar challenges, embrace solitude, and grow in ways I had never imagined.
Solitude is a teacher
Solitude initially felt like an unwelcome guest. Used to the warmth of home and the constant company of friends, I found the silence suffocating. At night, as the city hummed outside, the sense of isolation crept in. I was tempted to escape it by distracting myself with music and calls home. But slowly, I came to realize that running from the silence wouldn’t help. I had to face it.
Gradually, I learned to embrace the quiet. In moments of solitude, I could finally hear my own voice—my doubts, insecurities, and long-buried dreams. The silence became a mirror, reflecting the person I was and the person I could become. It was in this quiet that I found clarity, redefining my goals and reconnecting with myself. Solitude is a teacher that made me realize that true growth begins when we face what we’ve been avoiding.
Independence is a companion
With solitude came the necessity of independence. Singapore, a city of efficiency and autonomy, demanded self-reliance. In those early days, I longed for companionship, clinging to the hope of finding comfort in my peers. However, I soon realized that this journey required me to stand on my own.
I faced many new challenges: navigating its MRT system, managing my academic workload, and even converting Singapore dollars to Philippine peso. Each obstacle felt overwhelming at first, but slowly, small victories accumulated. Independence became less of a burden and more of a source of pride. Every challenge I overcame strengthened my belief in myself. I was learning to trust my own abilities, to be my own cheerleader. Independence was not just about doing things alone—it was about forming a relationship with myself, knowing that I could rely on my inner strength.
Silence is power
In a place as vibrant as Singapore, silence is rare. Yet, within the four walls of my room, silence was ever-present. It amplified my feelings of isolation, forcing me to confront my own thoughts. Without distractions, I couldn’t escape into noise. The quiet was endless.
But as time passed, I began to see silence differently. It became a tool for introspection. In the stillness, I found space to think, reflect, and plan. Journaling and meditation helped me process the changes around and within me. Silence, which had once felt oppressive, became a powerful ally. It allowed me to clear my mind, focus on my goals, and understand myself better. In a world constantly clamoring for our attention, silence is where true strength lies.
Letting go is discovery
Leaving home wasn’t easy. Saying goodbye to my family and friends—the people who made me feel safe and secure—was one of the hardest parts of my journey. At first, I found myself longing for the familiar comfort of home. But slowly, I realized that letting go wasn’t just about loss; it was about making space for new experiences and discoveries.
In Singapore, I formed friendships with people from different Southeast Asian countries, each with their own unique stories and perspectives. These connections broadened my understanding of the world and helped me grow in unexpected ways. Letting go of the past made room for new possibilities, and I began to appreciate the value of embracing change.
Rejection is a friend
Rejection is something most of us fear because it makes us feel unwanted or inadequate. During my time in Singapore, I faced both academic and personal setbacks that challenged my confidence. Surrounded by brilliant minds, instructors and classmates alike, I sometimes questioned if I truly belonged in such a competitive environment. The pressure to excel weighed heavily on me.
Yet, I remembered what I had already overcome—surviving COVID-19 in 2021, an experience that brought me face-to-face with life and death. That struggle taught me resilience, and it reminded me that rejection wasn’t failure. Instead, it was a stepping stone toward growth. Each setback motivated me to push harder, to prove to myself that I could rise above challenges. Rejection became my ally, showing me that there’s always room for improvement.
The will to survive
As I look back on the experiences I’ve had during my time abroad, the challenges I encountered stand out as pivotal moments of growth. The academic pressures, the isolation, and the unfamiliarity could have broken my resolve, but instead, they reminded me of how much I’ve already endured and overcome. Every moment of doubt became an affirmation that I was capable of so much more than I once believed.
Now, as I prepare to leave, I carry with me a renewed sense of self. The lessons I’ve learned—about the power of silence, the growth that comes from solitude, and the strength found in independence—are no longer abstract concepts but lived experiences. These have shaped me in ways that go far beyond the academic. What I gained here is not just knowledge but the inner fortitude to face whatever comes next. I am grateful, not just for the achievements, but for the struggles that helped me uncover a deeper, stronger version of me.
Want to get published at PhilSTAR L!fe? We’re accepting submissions for guest essays and features from aspiring and experienced writers in the country. Send us your original piece at hey@philstarlife.com for review and possible publication.