Wilbert Tolentino on being a solo parent to his son with autism
Wilbert Tolentino is famous as a beauty pageant producer and entrepreneur who runs various health spas and bars. But if you've been following his YouTube vlogs, you would know he is also a dedicated single father who makes sure that his son, who has special needs, is being showered with all the love he deserves.
The first Mr. Gay World Philippines titleholder entered fatherhood at just 16 years old when he welcomed a baby with a schoolmate. Due to their young age, however, things turned sour between him and the girl’s parents, causing him to be estranged from his child to this day.
Almost the same thing happened when he had his second child, Claire, at 19. While he wanted to take custody of his now 29-year-old daughter, she was eventually cared for by her mother’s side of the family.
They had close ties at first, but Wilbert ended up on bad terms with his daughter because of the influence her mom and grandparents had on her. He also eventually learned that Claire had become a young mom with three children without his knowledge.
Wilbert finally had a chance to do things right with his third and youngest child, Willard, who was born just after he had patched things up with his own estranged father when the latter's health was deteriorating. Because of this, he sees Willard as his “good karma.”
“Inalagaan ko ang father ko. Nag-hire ako ng nurse, tapos every week kailangan mag-change ng catheter kasi hindi na maganda ‘yung function ng kidney niya, so ginawa ko siya nang ginawa na parang maging responsible na lang,” Wilbert recalled.
“Ginising ako ni Lord kasi nagkaroon ako ng anak, and then you have to imagine that in one year, we have 365 days… pero ipinanganak siya at the right time, at the right place. ‘Yun ay same siya ng birthday ng father ko,” he continued. “Si Willard ang naging inspirasyon ko habang inalagaan ko ang papa ko.”
Wilbert considers Willard’s birth a miracle as the latter's life was almost taken after his body was filled with amniotic fluid, causing a severe case of neo-natal pneumonia that put him at risk. When he survived, it was then that Wilbert decided to give him his name that had a special meaning: “Pinangalan ko siyang Willard kasi Willard means brave, tapos dinugtungan ko siya ng King kasi you cannot be a king if you’re not brave. Kaya very meaningful siya kasi na-survive niya.”
A child with special needs
Just after Wilbert gained custody of Willard, a new challenge was presented to the father and son.
“Na-diagnose siya with autism. Kasi nung one-year-old pa lang siya, nakita ko na wala siyang eye contact,” Wilbert said. “‘Yung anak ko kasi dati, six months pa lang, madaldal na, [si Willard], madaldal din ako, same approach, and yet hindi siya nakakarinig kapag may nahulog na gamit sa tabi-tabi.”
Despite the challenges posed by Willard’s condition, Wilbert remains determined to provide him with all the love he needs.
“‘Yung bata ay pinagkatiwala sa’kin. Gusto kong gampanan ang pagiging good father, being matured na. Kapag nagkaroon ka ng edad, naiiba ‘yung priorities, lalo na kapag may anak ka na,” he underscored.
He urged parents to be mindful of their child and not to go into denial when they start to show symptoms of autism.
“Kapag they feel na nakikita nila ‘yung mga sintomas, nagti-tiptoe ang bata, naglalakad nang paatras, mahilig sa gulong, doon nagti-trigger lalo ‘yung autism nila,” Wilbert said.
“The moment na nalaman ko na ganun lahat ng sintomas, tinanggal ko lahat ng mga cars, tinanggal ko lahat ng mga laruan. Tapos tinuro sa’kin na kailangan more on educational, mga cube, mga puzzle para maging matalino ‘yung bata, para alam niya kung ano ang gagawin,” he recalled.
Due to his condition, Willard is prone to mood swings and explosive tantrums, but Wilbert perseveres in addressing his needs, as his love for him is greater than any obstacle that comes with his son’s condition.
Wilbert sends his son to speech therapy sessions several times a week to improve his communication skills.
“Ang isang batang may case ng ganun, at least magthe-therapy for 13 years kasi kahit na at his age ngayon, seven years old, continuous pa rin akong nagpapatherapy sa kanya kasi kapag hindi, pwedeng bumalik,” he explained.
“Madugo, kasi P3,000 per therapy talaga. Hindi ko inisip ‘yung gastusin. Inisip ko lagi na kaya kong magtrabaho, kaya kong kumita, kaya kong tustusan itong bata,” he added. “Proud ako dahil bilang isang single parent, I was able to provide for him. Lagi ko siyang dinidisiplina and kapag kinausap mo ‘yung bata, sobrang mapa-proud kayo kasi he speaks well.”
All of Wilbert’s efforts have paid off as Willard is now excelling in school. Apart from being regarded by his teachers as a well-behaved student, Willard also brings home lots of award certificates for standing out in his classes.
Balancing his commitments as a multihyphenate
Because of Wilbert’s multiple commitments as a content creator, entrepreneur, talent manager, showbiz artist, and more, he admits that there are times when he is unable to be by his son’s side. He, however, makes sure that Willard understands that this is for his own good.
“I let him realize always na kapag si papa wala sa tabi mo, ibig sabihin nagta-trabaho. Alam na niya kung ano ang sasagutin,” Wilbert said. “Kapag quality time, quality time talaga. For example, pagdating ng Sunday, I spend time with him.”
The multihyphenate shares their father-son bonding moments on his YouTube channel, which he uses to further improve Willard’s communication skills by teaching him how to speak in front of a camera.
Even so, he ensures that he does not immerse him too much in his content to keep him away from bashers.
“Minsan, ang mga tao kasi ay maseselan. Ayokong dumaan siya sa bashing, or baka i-discriminate siya na ang father niya ay bisexual. So nililimit ko siya, pero finifeature ko siya para hindi siya ma-bored sa routine niya every day,” Wilbert said.
“Pina-aral ko siyang kumanta… pina-attend ko rin siya ng taekwondo, pinaaral ko siya ng swimming. Wala akong sinayang na moment, habang nasa work ako, ‘yun yung mga work na assignment ko sa kanya,” he continued.
All in all, Wilbert’s commitment to helping his son grow up to be a decent and capable person remains as strong as ever.
“Once na dumating ‘yung 13 years old, I believe na fully equipped na 'yan. Kapag nilabas ko siya sa floor, he will be a good citizen. Sabi ko sa kanya, always do good para good karma will come,” Wilbert said.
When asked for his advice for his fellow single dads out there, he said, “Keep up the good work. Huwag sumuko, syempre kailangan always maging positive at focused.”
“Keep going lang and never give up kahit anong mangyari kasi isang challenge sa’tin na binigay ni Lord kaya tayo nagkaroon ng anak. Everything happens for a reason, so ‘wag nating ikakwil, ‘wag nating alisin ‘yung pagiging responsableng tatay,” he continued.