After ‘brat,’ ‘demure’ is the word du jour
Just when the word “brat” and its whole universe was taking off, here comes “demure,” rendering the previous internet and pop culture sensation virtually obsolete. Now everyone is describing just about everything as demure, from their outfits to their morning espresso, while brands try to latch on to the trend.
The word has even entered the political arena where the White House used the word to boast about the Biden-Harris administration’s recent student debt-relief efforts and to describe Kamala Harris’ beige Chloé pantsuit at the Democratic convention just weeks after Charli XCX, the brat originator herself, called the presidential candidate a “brat.”
Our local politics has not been immune to the word either: Senator Risa Hontiveros, who has gone viral lately for her verbal skirmishes with Vice President Sara Duterte and former presidential spokesperon Harry Roque, had a post of herself evaluating the Duterte children’s book for budget allocation, with the caption “very demure, very mindful.”
It all started with Chicago-based TikTok creator Jools Lebron, who used the word in a video saying, “See how I do my makeup for work? Very demure, very mindful. I don’t look like a clown when I go to work, I don’t do too much. I’m very mindful when I’m at work. You see how I look very presentable? The way I came to the interview is the way I go to the job.”
Receiving almost 40 million views and amassing two million followers since she posted it in the first week of August, the Puerto Rican trans influencer is overwhelmed: “One day I was playing cashier and making videos on my break and now I’m flying cross-country to host events, and I am going to be able to finance the rest of my transition.”
“Demure” has such an old-timey ring to it, explaining why it’s so catchy, especially to a new generation fascinated with all things vintage. For them, it has the right combination of absurdity and fustiness, almost anachronistic with today’s lifestyle, making it open to individual interpretations and ripe for irony and satire.
The word has actually been used since the 1300s, borrowed from the Norman French, cited in a 1377 poem about the death of Edward III, where “demure” is used to describe the sea as calm or settled. The Old French meur, from the Latin mātūrus, meaning mature, ripe, serious, grave, discreet, or considered, implies that demureness requires a modesty, consideration, and discretion associated with maturity.
By the 1500s, it settled to its current meaning of serious or reserved, although it acquired nuances since then—now describing an affected or performed modesty or shyness, often used for women’s demeanor, dress, or appearance.
Demure has also been entrenched in the history and culture of the Philippines, where students have to read Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo by national hero Jose Rizal, who created the heroine Maria Clara, love interest of Noli’s protagonist Crisostomo Ibarra. Described by Rizal as “demure and self-effacing,” the ideal of a Filipino woman with the delicacy of “Oriental decoration,” “downcast eyes” and a “pure soul,” deserving to be placed on the “pedestal of male honor.” She is also very kind and considerate to everyone of all classes, including the “invisible” Elias, whom she noticed at a fishing excursion and offered biscuits.
Maria Clara has become such a cult figure of how Filipino women should behave and the traje de mestiza, the origin of the terno, our national costume, was even named after her for its modesty and demureness, qualities that were always the ultimate compliment for a lady.
Times have changed, of course, and the word is used satirically by Lebron, who wittily comments on the traditional performance of femininity: “How to be demure when you’re hung over and have to go to CVS? Let’s be mindful, ladies: don’t overdress. This is not the Met Gala. My spray tan blotching off? Very demure. I have Taco Bell refried beans stuck in my hair. I’m very cutesy with it.”
Now called the “demure movement,” it’s a humorous evolution of other socmed trends like the clean girl, trad wife, and quiet luxury aesthetics that promote wholesome pastimes and effortless, hyper-feminine styles, “championing a return to more reflective and understated style of dressing, celebrating subtlety over ostentation, aiming to project an image of thoughtful elegance,” says Glow Bar London fashion expert Fausta Urte Geigaite. She suggests a crisp white shirt, a versatile midi skirt, and well-tailored trousers as indispensable, while accessories like simple leather belts, discreet stud earrings, loafers, and soft ankle boots complement a polished look without dominating it.
“Soft, neutral tones work best, keeping the look understated, while materials like silk add a touch of luxury. It’s quality over quantity,” says Clogau jewellery expert Ben Roberts.
Vintage icons like Grace Kelly and Jackie Kennedy come to mind, but so do current ones like Emma Watson, who combines her advocacy for sustainable fashion with a style that is both chic and restrained. The recent FW runways also herald demure looks through polished pieces with a ladylike skew, like pussy-bow blouses and tailored skirt suits.
Philippine fashion icons of the past like Chona Kasten and Mary Prieto can also be inspirations, as well as today’s Lucy Torres Gomez and her daughter Juliana. Lucy’s collab with Kashieca epitomizes this timeless style.
Ultimately, for Lebron, the demureness should come from within: “Your demure is what it means to you; it’s being mindful and considerate of the people around you, but also of yourself and how you present to the world.”
The fact that a transgender, body-positive individual of color can make such a difference and resonate with the vast majority makes demure highly inclusive, junking antiquated forms of white femininity and docility to open new possibilities of what demure means today.