‘I’m a mom and I’m feeling tired, unhappy, and stuck in life. What do I do?’

Each week, PhilSTAR L!fe addresses a reader's concern about relationships, career, and anything they want to talk about through its advice column: Asking for a Friend.

Dear L!fe friend, 

I've been working from home since 2019. I'm stuck in teaching online, which I don't enjoy anymore. It's like... I am just staying in this thankless job because I need money. I need to help my husband. Pero sa totoo lang, hindi na ako masaya. I've tried to upskill and apply for other online jobs, but the competition is tight. Feeling ko ang bobo ko. I'm currently pregnant and I literally can't look at myself and think, "Wow, I'm proud of you" because I'm not anymore. Taking care of a toddler and being pregnant while working don't add up. Nakakapagod. My husband works outside, he has a high-paying job. Minsan, naiinggit ako sa kanya kasi sya dere-deretso career niya, but I chose this path eh. I chose my kids. I chose my pregnancy. How do I get out of this rut? 

—Lady Who Wants to Get Out of the Rut

Dear Lady Who Wants to Get Out of the Rut,

Let me address your problems one by one. 

1. I feel you. Half of me says continue to teach. But I also want to tell you to stop teaching if you don’t enjoy it anymore. You’re tired. And when you’re tired, it will show in your output. Remember that you have young minds under your care and they need your full enthusiasm when you teach. Somewhere along the way, your being burnt out will manifest, and both you and the students will suffer. It is a disservice to both parties. Take a rest and when you’re fully energized, come back to the virtual classroom. If that’s what you think will add to the kitty.
2. Everybody needs money. It’s heroic that you want to add to the family income by working—even if you are already tired. Rest. You also need it. Isn’t it that your husband has a high-paying job? And the trajectory of his career is coming a-zooming? You said it in your letter. I figure that whatever your husband is earning will make your family help both ends meet.
3. Why don’t you consider online business? Something that is light. Something that your schedule will allow. (I sell special kinulob na itik or native duck online on top of my very busy schedule and it helps me earn extra bucks. I just have to look for a reliable seller so my little trading business will add something to my kitty. And I am never ashamed of it. It’s the pandemic season. I strike where I can earn.)
4. When you stop working, you have to recalibrate your lifestyle. Assess your spending pattern. The necessary will stay. The caprice will be put on the back burner.
5. As it is, your hands are already full with taking care of your kid/s. And your tummy is full, thriving with another life. Isn’t that enough job? That is freaking hard.
6. Be honest with your husband. Tell him you cannot hack online teaching anymore. Once you have given birth, and pass the rearing stage, you can pursue again whatever it is that your heart desires. You are still alive. Only dead people have no chance to better their lives. Maybe in heaven, they have another life. But please don’t follow suit. You have a life.
7. Trust that you will get out of this rut.

Take care of yourself.

Büm