Living your best life is living your most authentic life—with Small Laude
"When they say you’re so fat, you’re so tabachoy, it doesn’t bother me—I’m cute naman!" Few people in this world have the kind of true self-love and confidence Small Laude does. Unfazed by naysayers, trolls, and even her own husband and children, who begged her not to vlog, Small is larger than life and owes it all to just being her most authentic self, on and off cam.
“Even before, I always had this attitude that I don’t care what other people say. As long as I’m happy with what I do and I’m not hurting anyone, I really don’t care.”
I have great admiration for people who have this kind of unwavering self-assurance. I am my own worst critic and have spent years of therapy, meditation, and motivational mantras trying to undo this vicious, self-inflicting habit. Speaking to Small is not only inspiring but infectious; her energy is radiant, her candor disarming, and her natural sense of humor is just so much fun.
She wasn’t always this way. Although it’s hard to imagine a digital world without Small (her YouTube channel has a whopping 2.1 million subscribers gained in just over three years), she was, in her own words, “just a plain housewife” who would sometimes go to the office with her husband.
dreams,” Small says. “At any age, you can live the life you want.”
“I felt sad,” she shares. “I didn’t know why. I would cry in the morning [for] no reason. I was depressed.” Despite a fancy life, luxurious travels, lunches with friends, a happy family, Small, like many, battled silent depression. “I tried to see a psychologist. I tried to busy myself. But I kept asking, 'What’s my purpose?' I had none.”
When she shared this during our episode of Soulful Feasts, my respect and admiration for her grew even more. It takes courage to admit depression. I know what it’s like to seemingly parade in perfection and live with a big emptiness inside. Very often, women suffer the most, as we are groomed as little girls that our end-all be-all is to be a good daughter, wife, and mother. We’re never really encouraged to reach our own full potentials as an individual, or if we are, that it should only come second to fulfilling our societal roles.
Small shows us that not only is it possible to reclaim our individuality at any age, but that it’s essential. “You know, I almost stopped. My daughter begged me to stop. But then I got so many messages during the pandemic from people saying that I made them happy. There was one from a cancer patient who was having chemo in the hospital and said my vlogs made them laugh… Another one who said their daughter was in depression and I was the only one who made her smile. I had tears! I told myself, it’s not useless. I have purpose. This is my purpose.”
Women often live with an expiration date hanging over their heads. It’s the unfortunate side effect of having a biological clock. How many times have I heard “You’re too old for that, too old to wear this, too old to do that.” Small is an excellent example that you’re never too old to try something new and, most importantly, there is no such thing as being past your prime. Purpose can be found at any age.
Ikigai is a Japanese concept that encompasses four things: what you are good at, what you love to do, what you can be paid for, and what the world needs. Through her millions of subscribers, followers, and fans who are thrilled and inspired by her genuine love for life, Small has built a thriving business of self; one that includes a newly launched skincare line called Small Steps. One she should be incredibly proud of, as it espouses admirable values of self-empowerment and authenticity. In her fifties, Small has found her ikigai.
“It’s amazing. I had no idea it was going to be this big,” she exclaims. “I was just bored one time during a flight, everyone was asleep. I took a selfie video—‘Hi, guys! I’m making a vlog!’ I didn’t even really know what a vlog was.”
She had her own bouts of self-doubt, especially with so-called friends who would discourage her and say things like, “Why do you have to do that? You’re so baduy. You don’t need to do this.” But the universe kept giving her messages of encouragement. “When I was at US Immigration, one of the officers there told me: ‘You know, I respect people like you. With your age, having these many followers. I respect you.’ That’s when I thought to myself, ‘Oh, my God, I achieved something.’”
Small is a case study in authenticity, in truly living one’s life for themselves, in loving yourself wholly. “I’m just real. Authenticity is the key. Even if I’m so fat, I have mga bulges, I don’t even care. That’s me! Just be secure with yourself, and just be your real self with no pretensions. People are very intelligent; they know if you’re fake or real.”
More than anything, living your most authentic life is not about perception from others, it’s about doing it for yourself. “Do what makes you happy, pursue your dreams. At any age, you can live the life you want.”
Speaking to her, I realized that it’s not so much about pursuing your goals, because success and dreams are different for everybody. It may not even be a monetary or professional goal; it’s about always being your truest self. How many minutes have I spent trying to adjust myself around people, trying to tone down or adapt or even change the way I speak. We do it unconsciously. Living your best life is truly about living your most you, 100% of the time.
And this is what people love the most about Small Laude: she is always Small. Whether hosting the Tatler ball on stage, glamorous in diamonds and tulle, or dancing TikTok choreography with her Angels at home, she is 24/7 unapologetically her.
What’s the next big thing for Small? “You know what,” she muses, “I’m just happy and content with what I have now. I don’t want to pressure myself. Everyone is asking me what’s next, you can’t vlog when you’re 65. First of all, why not? And second, I’m just so happy to have this life!”
Here’s someone at the prime of their success, who is not in a rat race to want more and more. Small reminds us that it’s okay to just enjoy what we have already. People search high and low in the pursuit of happiness. Countless hours are spent on reading self-help books, taking courses and the like, but she has put it so simply: Gratitude is the key. “I’m just so thankful for what I have now.”