No more guessing games: Filipinos prioritize open communication about intimacy
Have you ever felt let down after sex because your partner didn't understand your desires?
Many believe that sexual intimacy should be effortless and that partners should be like mind-readers and instinctively understand each other's needs—but it's not.
Sex can be a tricky topic, even for those in a long-term relationship. Skipping the guessing game (and the drama) and having open and honest conversations instead about it is important for intimacy.
For many individuals, especially women in the Philippines, cultural and religious factors can make it difficult to talk about sex openly even to their peers. However, a new generation of Filipinos is challenging outdated beliefs.
According to a report by the dating app Bumble, "the way that we are talking, thinking about, and having sex is changing."
"Filipino attitudes toward sex have become somewhat more open in recent years, especially among younger generations," said certified Sexologist and Unprude Founder, Dr. Rica Cruz, while also noting that "there's still a lot of work to be done."
42 percent of individuals surveyed among 14,300 Bumble users around the world, including the Philippines, are more open-minded when it comes to sex, intimacy, and dating. 53 percent of them agree that it's important to discuss sexual wants and needs in the early stages.
The survey also showed that 1 in 5 Filipinos are "very comfortable" initiating physical intimacy in a relationship, with men (28 percent) being more likely to initiate than women (12 percent). It also showed that millennials (67 percent) are more open to it than Gen Z (51 percent).
Intimacy in the digital age
Dating apps make it easier to meet people, but how about finding genuine intimacy?
Intimacy can be expressed beyond being physical. Bumble defines it as "building meaningful connections through shared experiences, vulnerability, and emotional connection." Activities like exploring new places together or sharing personal stories can foster a sense of closeness and understanding.
78 percent of women are seeking partners who understand both emotional and physical intimacy. This shift has also extended to how we approach sexuality.
“When exploring your sexual desires, it is important to prioritize safety, consent, and open communication,” said Cruz. “This means setting boundaries, respecting and being curious about each other's wishes, and having honest conversations about how you both feel in the process.”
Setting boundaries and opening up
In the same study, 4 out of 5 people (84%) surveyed across the Philippines believe sexual compatibility is important in a relationship, and if there’s a lack of compatibility, more than half (55%) would discuss this with their partner.
According to Cruz, it's good to talk about sex with your potential connection on the first date. "To establish clear communication and expectations early on, potentially avoiding misunderstandings later and help determine compatibility on an important aspect of the relationship even before emotional investment deepens."
If you're on a date in a personal setting, say at home, one way to open up the conversation is by playing icebreaker games like the Unprude Conversation Cards.
"These cards provide structured prompts to guide discussions about intimacy, relationships, and sex in a fun, casual format, helping to ease into potentially sensitive topics more naturally," Cruz said.
However, if you're uncomfortable with a new partner or connection, set some boundaries. "Let them know you're not comfortable discussing that topic at this point in your relationship," said Cruz. "If they respect your feelings, that's a good sign. If they persist despite your discomfort, it may indicate a lack of respect for your boundaries."
Establishing emotional connections
Building sexual compatibility takes time and effort. "If the first time with a new partner doesn't go as planned, be open about and be understanding of each other's feelings. First time really isn’t going to be the mind-blowing scene that you see in movies," said Cruz. To encourage and increase those feelings of closeness between you and your match, here are some tips from Cruz:
- Prioritize emotional intimacy: Emotional connection is the key to deeper connection and better sexual intimacy. Dive into each other’s lives by engaging in activities that foster emotional closeness, such as sharing personal stories, discussing future goals, or simply spending quality time together. Moments like these build solid emotional foundations that make everything more vibrant!
- Be curious about each other’s desires: Being in a relationship is like discovering each other’s secret treasure maps. Go spend some quality time discussing what turns you on, what makes you feel valued, and even what makes you cringe. Remember that sexual compatibility isn’t just about physical attraction. Ask questions, share your own preferences and quirks, and listen to what your partner really wants.
- Remember, it's a journey: Building sexual compatibility takes time and effort. Don't get discouraged if things don't click right away. Just keep exploring, communicating, and most importantly, having fun. Your perfect match is out there, and with a little patience and openness, you'll find them.