The unspoken struggles of being in a relationship with a breadwinner
Having a breadwinner in the family is a cultural expectation in Filipino society that's been around for generations. For many, the title of breadwinner is a source of pride and satisfaction, knowing that they're able to support themselves and their family through hard work and dedication. If you're dating a breadwinner, rest assured that you're with someone responsible and committed to their goals.
But here's the harsh truth: Being assigned as the breadwinner creates a clear path for a stressful and exhausting life. It's a challenging role that requires a lot of sacrifices—and being in a relationship with a breadwinner brings its own set of unique challenges that are often left unsaid.
We all want to believe that love conquers all, but what happens when your partner's role as a breadwinner becomes a source of tension in your relationship? From navigating finances to mismatched expectations, there could be a few bumps in the road that you might face once you start dating a breadwinner.
Let's be real—being in a relationship with a breadwinner isn't always a walk in the park. It can be a total rollercoaster to deal with the emotions that come with it.
Guilt-plagued getaways
Traveling is one of the most fun and rewarding experiences every couple should have. You get to explore new and exciting places together, try out exotic food, immerse yourselves in different cultures, and create memories that you'll both cherish for a lifetime. But before all of that, there's a practical matter that needs to be addressed first: budgeting. If you're dating a breadwinner, brace yourself for some serious financial discussions.
Being in a relationship with a breadwinner for several years now, I've learned to always ask him these crucial questions before we set out on any travel plans: "Are you ready for this? Do you have a budget in mind? Will this trip leave you in a tight spot financially?" Even though we’ve been doing this for a long time, there’s still a pang of guilt when we indulge in luxuries during our trips.
'Parasitic girlfriend' image
It's expected for every breadwinner to sacrifice a large portion of their income to sustain their family's survival. Unfortunately, having at least one money-hungry relative is inescapable. For them, it feels like a betrayal when their breadwinner indulges in grand vacations, fancy meals, and a luxurious lifestyle, while they're still trapped in a rut.
It's actually one of the most toxic Filipino traits, the "debt of gratitude" mindset. If you're in a relationship with a breadwinner, it will be hard to escape any scrutiny or disapproving comments from people with greedy mindsets. They may start to judge you for "getting all the money" and be unfairly blamed for your partner's financial decisions. It can even cause tension and conflict within your relationship, which is the last thing you want.
Dismissal of emotions
The burden of financial issues is like an unbreakable steel chain for a breadwinner, tightly wrapped around and slowly draining the life out of them. You should expect that being in a relationship with a breadwinner means understanding that more than half of your partner's attention is focused on the unceasing chain of familial financial issues.
I've had moments when I ask my partner how his day went, only to have him respond with yet another financial hurdle his family is facing. As soon as I think about opening up to my partner about my small struggles from the day, a wave of guilt washes over me. I don't want to put too much on his plate when these moments arise, and I don't want him to feel torn about being emotionally invested between me and his family.
Shaky financial stability
For a breadwinner, the unpredictable changes in the world pose a big threat. Even if they have a stable job and work tirelessly, the looming possibility of economic instability, inflation, and unexpected expenses will surely jeopardize their savings. It's tough for them to think about how they'll maintain their financial status.
Here's the heartbreaking truth: Money can either make or break even the strongest relationship. My boyfriend's dedication to his family is something that I admire, but it also makes me question what the future holds. Will we ever be able to have a stable life together, or will his family's needs always come first? The thought of him still being tied down to his family when we're in our 30s makes me feel conflicted.
Comparison of privileges
From time to time, we talk about our financial status and try to figure out events that led us to our current state. Just recently, we realized we were given different opportunities when we were younger. I have relatives who are in the States that partially support our family, while my boyfriend's parents struggled to make ends meet on minimum wage. Regrettably, my boyfriend always ends up feeling bitter about it.
For them, it's like fate isn't on their side, and they start questioning everything, even God. They might lose hope and abandon their dreams entirely. It's heartbreaking to think that a breadwinner has little to no chance of pursuing their passion simply because they need to choose a direction that guarantees financial stability.
One messed up thing about being a breadwinner is that they might not even realize they're being tricked into settling for a life they never really wanted in the first place.
Different lifestyle expectations
We have come to an age wherein gender doesn't have a say on who should be footing the bill in a relationship. I could spoil him anytime and he will do the same, but oftentimes, we stick to the KKB rule. But I know deep inside he feels pressured, even though we're both equal partners in this relationship.
Breadwinners here in the Philippines have seen firsthand how tough life can be, so they tend to have lower expectations when it comes to their lifestyle. My boyfriend was a little bit shocked when I told him about the kind of dates I wanted to go on, which involves, well, mostly money.
Let's be real—being in a relationship with a breadwinner isn't always a walk in the park. It can be a total rollercoaster to deal with the emotions that come with it. They say love conquers all, but when it comes to finances, love can only take you so far. Budgeting is a crucial component of any relationship, especially when one partner is a breadwinner.
As a breadwinner, imagine starting each day with a weight pressing down on your shoulders. It's a reality that can be tough to face and a responsibility no one ever asked for, yet there they are. Nobody deserves to have their life predetermined for them. Everyone needs to have the chance to live their best life, without feeling like they're being held back by family obligations.
We all know that dealing with financial burdens can be tough, but it's not fair to let it take a toll on your romantic relationship. Remember, love should be easy and supportive.
With open communication and a commitment to understanding one another's needs, it is possible to make a relationship work—even when your partner is the breadwinner.
