Anti-resolutions to greet the New Year
Do people still make New Year’s resolutions nowadays? A better follow-up question is: do people really keep their New Year’s resolutions? I stopped making them a long time ago because it’s just useless. The excitement only lasts a couple of hours, then poof! It’s gone. In a month’s time, I won’t even remember what resolutions I’ve made so boldly and convincingly. So I decided to make “anti-resolutions,” if that makes sense. Besides, it appeals to the rebellious and contrary part of me. If I’m told not to do something, the more I want to do it. Call it self-psychological manipulation.
Resolutions are borne out of the experiences of the past year, usually unfortunate ones, with a wish and hope for better results in the coming year. And, like many people, I find myself at year’s end looking back at the past 12 months, and reflecting on the events that have happened. I hate the word “ponder” (it seems so outdated), but yeah, I ponder and think about what I could do to improve myself. Being the contrarian that I am, I can only have anti-resolutions, those that tell me not to do something, instead of a to-do list.
Anti-resolutions appeal to the rebellious and contrary part of me. If I’m told not to do something, the more I want to do it.
So here is a list of my personal “don’ts” for the year to come:
Stop just “knowing” everything. You may read a lot, or are intelligent with concepts on life, love, the human condition, philosophy, etc. However, true knowing is experiencing. I have always known that my family and friends love me, but it was through experience that I really confirmed it. You don’t really feel this when you are on a high, but when you are down, and at the deepest of your sadness, through their love and support. Genuine knowledge comes from this. It is better to experience than to know. Philosophizing is empty without it.
Do not resist what life throws your way. I look back at 2023 (actually every year) and think, shockingly, “What a rollercoaster ride I’ve been on!” I now see the big picture of why certain undesired circumstances and events happened. They paved the way for something better. Yet, in those moments of disappointment, I resisted what was happening and tried to force my myopic way of seeing. As Angelina Jolie (excuse the showbiz reference) says, when faced with problems, “You just walk right through it.” Everything that happens is for my own good as a human being, and when I don’t struggle, I float.
You can’t stop the flow or passage of time, so there’s no point going against it. I’ve written about my past anxieties of getting older as a woman, but they touched more on the physical and societal. When I look within, though, I realize I am old(er), and I am wise(r). All that I’ve been through, the highs and lows, are etched in my being. I carry everything with me, especially each moment of joy and those of tears. I can never go back to my life’s empty cup of naivete. My cup is almost full. All I can do now is flow.
Don’t stop pursuing and savoring joy when it comes. Sometimes, you really need to decipher what joy is to you, though not only what you think it is. As I write this piece, it is Christmastime, and I have received many gifts. Of course, I appreciate each and every present and the thought behind it. However, two gestures really made me happy and so grateful, I was feeling all tingly. One was the efforts of a more-than-capable family member in helping me stylishly decorate my home to the last detail. The other was an old employee visiting with a fruit gift basket, and personally greeting us “Merry Christmas!” I can see that the common denominator here is the act, and not something material. I don’t deny that I like material things, but it these loving gestures that touch me deeply, and give me joy.
Gratitude is the opposite of fear, so don’t be afraid. Life can be scary at times, and when you’re older, you either have more fear because you have seen more, or are fearless, also because you have seen more. I admit, sometimes I get paralyzed because of my fears. The movie in my mind that plays is that of horror or tragedy. I worry about my family, friends and myself. I worry about circumstances and situations that have not happened. My mind can create scenarios that are so dark, I get overwhelmed. The way out of this is gratitude, I shift towards the present, and what I am grateful for, and somehow the fears disappear. According to the Stoic Seneca, “We suffer more from imagination than reality. I agree.
Don’t live life on autopilot. On my desk is a calendar where I jot down my appointments, events, birthdays, etc. Beside it is a notebook, where I write in detail my daily to-do or task list. I will not be satisfied by the end of the day unless each item is checked off and crossed out and considered done. I should call it my dopamine hit list. In my desire to “get things done,” I overlook many important things. I fail to appreciate the beauty around me, or the gestures of well-meaning people, or the feelings of others and even myself. I miss a lot. Sometimes, I even think of my daily task list while meditating. I must remind myself to stop this need to fully accomplish something each day, and just be.
Don’t stress, everything is temporary. Sorrows will be temporary, and so will your joys. They come in waves. Looking back at my challenging times, I desperately thought it would never end. But you know, circumstances change all the time. Knowing this gives me the assurance that things get better, and to just take a step back and not drown in my dramatic self-made narrative. But then again, joys are also temporary, and it is advised by Dr. Laurie Santos in her course on “The Science of Well-being” at Yale University to savor and appreciate “the good stuff in life.”
So, note to self: never stop hoping and wishing for better days. Constantly make an effort to improve. Resolutions have a positive purpose, and it may work (or not!). But first, let me include it in my daily task list.