How to grieve with a joyful heart
It is that time of the year when we honor the dead and I am sure you all agree that never in your life have you ever mourned more deaths of friends, relatives, neighbors and loved ones than in the last 20 months.
I just lost my 87-year-old dad (fully vaccinated with no comorbidity and never left the house) to COVID-19 this month. We really thought he would survive. But the virus is treacherous. Very good vitals can turn worse in a few hours.
When you lose someone who was not sick for a long time, a tsunami of emotions engulfs you. There may be shock, guilt, remorse, emptiness and sadness, but there could also be peace, stillness, and even gratitude.
As a community virtually connected by the love and friendship of a common man who has left physically, we celebrated his life through happy memories while believing in faith that he is just moving to a better place.
A similar shock jolted me when a colleague passed away unexpectedly. Since public wakes weren’t allowed, I hosted a virtual wake and asked his close associates to participate as readers during the Mass.
This was followed by a novena for the dead interspersed with anecdotes from relatives and friends about how he would be remembered. We even played songs he loved, which will always remind us of him.
I received great feedback on how the events have helped relatives grieve with the community.
Setting my emotions aside, I organized a Holy Hour for my dad for nine consecutive nights composed of communal praying of the rosary, Mass celebrations and novena prayers.
This was followed by an Honoring Hour where his favorite songs were played alongside photo snippets of his life, followed by short stories from family and friends about his positive impact on them.
As a community virtually connected by the love and friendship of a common man who has left physically, we celebrated his life through happy memories while believing in faith that he is just moving to a better place.
I thought it was natural to do this given the restrictions of the pandemic, but I was told I belong to the small 10 percent by someone who does this professionally.
Riva Galveztan, a purpose-driven, Christ-directed entrepreneur, is the founder of the Joyful Grieving program. To help others who are mourning, we asked her a few questions:
THE PHILIPPINE STAR: How do families grieve during the pandemic and how did you create something to address it?
RIVA GALVEZTAN: When the first lockdown happened in March 2020, in-person wakes were initially not allowed. It was a huge adjustment for grieving families who were used to gathering in a funeral home to mourn with their loved ones. I started the Joyful Grieving program to encourage grieving families to create a “meaningful mourning space” online, which was unheard of pre-pandemic.
What gave you the inspiration to look into this?
Being immersed in funerals, God gave me a new set of lenses to see and feel the pain that grieving families go through.
Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult times in a person’s life.
As I empathize with them, one of the concrete ways I help ease their burden is to take one major task off their to-do list: helping them with everything they need to celebrate the life of the deceased, including organizing interactive gatherings online.
The time, talents, and treasure God entrusted to me are meant to be used for His good purpose, not for my own gain. I continue to ask God for wisdom, how He wants to use me for His glory to shine. In doing so, He makes it clear what “pain point” needs to be addressed.
What can you recommend to families who want a semblance of a pre-pandemic wake?
The purpose of a wake is to grieve with family and friends by sharing stories about the deceased and recalling memorable experiences together.
Pre-pandemic, what families appreciated about having a wake was being in the company of people near and dear to them.
The wake provides a space for God’s love to be experienced in various ways — through gifts, quality time, hugs, acts of service, and words of encouragement.
Considering the current social-gathering restrictions, it is challenging to replicate the pre-pandemic in-person experience.
Nevertheless, I recommend that families gather online to mourn together because this is helpful in their healing process.
I help them create a meaningful program that honors their deceased loved one, at the same time brings comfort to the living who need all the support they need as they grieve.
If you have lost a loved one or you know any grieving family who needs assistance to organize on-site and virtual memorials, check out bit.ly/JoyfulGrieving.